Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
