just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize