Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
