He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
