nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
