I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
