eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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