isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize