It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
