I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
