i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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