dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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