i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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