I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
