You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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