In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
