I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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