Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
