I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
