I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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