..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
