Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
