I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
