These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
