There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shame - the story of my life.
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