Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
