sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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