I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
