i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
