people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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