so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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