I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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