how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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