OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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