We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
