Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
