You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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