Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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