Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
