I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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