We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
