I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize