im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
