hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
