I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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