in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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