Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize