He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
