i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
