guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
