I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
