Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A+ Viking dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
