the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
