Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
