There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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