they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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