im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
