I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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