he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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