You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
