Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize