I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
