I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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