I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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