Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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