Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
