The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize