everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My feet surprised me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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