I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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