my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
