I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
