Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
