I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
