You're so nebulous sometimes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
