apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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