If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
