I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
