somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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