forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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