Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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